they need to just BURY HIM!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
