i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
