the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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