he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
