On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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