Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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