you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
