I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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