U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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