I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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