I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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