So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Alive.
So much puke
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize