were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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