i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
