Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
