you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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