there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
