I look better un-naked...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
