I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
