so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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