dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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