girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
