Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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