your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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