I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have tasted many bathrooms
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
