Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
