Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm just crazy horny about you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
