i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
