This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
