I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
