bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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