YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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