i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
