we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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