i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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