we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
