I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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