Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
