The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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