allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
