Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We have started to decorate penises.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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