So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
