i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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