If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
