but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?