if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!