Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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