Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm