You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza