fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone