Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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