ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
