once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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