is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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