when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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