I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
