you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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