just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
