No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
