My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize