you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
