o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
time to smoke my breakfast
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my liver is dry heaving
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
