Are we in a gay sports bar?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
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Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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